by Janis Joplin
Through a series of a rousing chapel messages this week, Juniperview officials reaffirmed their commitment to diversity.
"We have implemented several strategies to boost the diversity here on campus. First of all, we enrolled a big black guy named Jerome," said Vice Regent of Diversity Bubba McGraw.
"When people look at Juniperview and ask if diversity is really one of our core values, I tell them to look at Jerome. I mean, really... look at Jerome!"
Jerome will be featured prominently on university marketing materials, including an upcoming television commercial. He will also be strategically seated at every chapel service, press conference, or speech that pertains to race.
Vice Regent McGraw could not comment on Jerome's background or personality, but was certain of his skin color.
"We are thrilled to have a new mascot. We are very fortunate to welcome an African-American student of this caliber to our school," said McGraw, "And, he isn't even one of the bad ones."
Juniperview University actively seeks to attract and serve a diverse group of Christian employees and students who exercise their spiritual calling to be agents of reconciliation; pursuing unity, peace, and community in an atmosphere that recognizes our union in Christ and celebrates the contributions of all who seek to follow Christ.
Juniperview University is currently 99.98% White and 0.02% Cherokee.
University officials expressed interest in enrolling a Mexican student at some point in the future, and perhaps "one of those Orientals." Given the history of the region, the African-American population is of particular interest.
"Given the amount of effort we've put into this endeavor, we hope to see the African-American student population grow... at least by three fifths."
Juniperview University
