Juniperview requires all faculty and staff to attend church
faithfully. University employees may choose their church from a list of approved
congregations which fully align with the University Doctrinal Statement, as
clarified by the Doctrinal White Pages.
Professors submit written statements each week to verify
their church attendance, but university officials have expressed concern over
the lack of supervision in professors' day to day lives.
“This startling lack of oversight was a tremendous oversight
on our part,” said President Barsuvius, “We recently created a committee to
supervise the department in charge of supervising. The Oversight Oversight Committee
will work hard to ensure that such oversights do not happen again.”
Beginning this fall, all home phones, cell phones, and
personal electronic devices will be outfitted with monitoring equipment.
Microphones and cameras may be installed in some offices and homes, but the
university has not commented on specific locations.
“Recording phone conversations and monitoring internet usage
allows us to maintain our high standards and commitment to quality,” said Gary
Crow, Vice Regent of Surveillance and Reconnaissance.
“Staff may be attending the right church, but who’s to say
they won’t run with the wrong crowd the rest of the week? For all we know, they
could be interacting with friends and family members who are non-believers… or
worse, people with different doctrinal convictions!”
These provisions for faculty are new, but students are no
stranger to such supervision. Since 2011, when dial-up internet was first
installed on campus, students have only been able to access the internet while
physically tethered to a parent chaperone. Also, student conversations are only
permitted via speakerphone in designated lobbies. For the sake of consistency, the university decided that faculty and staff should not be exempt from similar measures."The university really is one big family," said President Barsuvius, "Faculty should not think of us as an overbearing father. If anything, we are their Big Brother."
