Guest Writer, T.P. Zinjanthropus
The Board of Trustees of Juniperview University has commissioned award-winning
composer Dr. Scott Sommershell to compose an extended musical ode in praise of
the institution's doctrinal statement. Dr. Sommershell, who also serves as
Juniperview's Dean of Program Disintegration, outlined his plans for the
piece.
"It will be impressive. Like the music from Call of Duty, only
better, louder. It will be orchestra and choir, drums, so many drums, and just
a wall of sound. Like a line of battle tanks bearing down on you, only just
this is the tanks of doctrine."
Trustee Flut Butterson, commenting after
a national pastors' luncheon, agreed. "Movies get that extra oomph from a great
music soundtrack. This thing will give us that oomph in our doctrine. We need
that! Each time we sign it, recite it, talk about it, we'll be thinking, you
know, bahm, bah-bah-bah baaaahhhm," remarked Butterson between mouthfuls of
barbeque.
Sommershell's project includes theatrical elements.
"We'll
need to design a flag. We have that huge American flag, but we need a bigger
flag, a doctrine flag. We're loyal to America but even more loyal to the
doctrinal statement. So we plan to make a great big flag and have it come
unrolling from the ceiling right at the end of my piece," he said, growing
animated. "And that's when I want everyone to stand up and do that ceiling hands
thing the kids do. Then we want our ROTC boys to present arms, and all the
faculty will salute the new flag with a special salute. I will conduct the whole
thing from way up high on a platform."
The newly-formed School of Domestic
Prosperity, Family Relations, and Culinary Arts has been assigned the task of
creating the flag.
The debut performance is scheduled for Good Friday
in 2014.
Juniperview University
