By Steven Norris
Juniperview University, a Christian college in Indiana, revealed this week it is under review by the U.S. Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights.
The review is in response to a complaint claiming the university is in violation of Title IX, a federal gender equity law, which requires (among other things) that colleges respond appropriately to sexual harassment and violence on campus and provide assistance for victims.
University officials responded to the complaint by pledging their full cooperation. In fact, university officials announced their plans to launch a Title IX investigation immediately.
"This complaint raises all sorts of questions for us," said President Barsuvius, "First of all, what is Title IX? How does it apply to us? Is this something Christians should be a part of? We will not stop until we have the answers we need."
Dr. Barsuvius announced plans to form an investigation committee to examine Title IX and determine what, if any, relationship it has to Juniperview University.
Julius Womper, Vice Regent of Gender Equality for Dames, has been tapped to head the committee.
"The investigation is well underway," said Womper, "We have interviewed numerous people in the area. We asked them if they had ever heard of Title IX, and what they thought it might mean. Many people were confused at first, but then we realized we had been pronouncing it incorrectly. Apparently, the name is pronounced Title NINE, not Title EYE-ECKS. There are no solid leads yet, but after interviewing numerous stakeholders and eyewitnesses, we are confident we will soon have an understanding of what has transpired."
President Barsuvius shares this confidence. He assured media representatives that he would leave no stone unturned in his investigation.
"I assure you, we are taking this very seriously. Title IX, if you can hear me, we are coming for you! We will investigate Title IX for as long as it takes."
Juniperview University
