by The Commander
Today, President James Barsuvius responded to allegations that he fired a Bible professor because she was a woman.
On Monday, Professor Happi Logan turned in her resignation. Ms. Logan taught Women's Ministry at Juniperview University for nearly 10 years.
Logan's sudden departure from the university gave way to speculation that President Barsuvius played a role in eliminating her position. Students, alumni, and staff made numerous inquiries, petitioning Barsuvius to clarify the role he played in the decision.
"Let me be clear: I did not fire Professor Logan," said Barsuvius, "I simply made the atmosphere completely unbearable for her until she resigned."
Barsuvius went on to explain that he would never fire an employee because of their gender. Instead, he would employ a number of tactics to wear female employees down, make them feel unwelcome, and challenge their right or authority to teach Scripture.
"Listen, Professor Logan can stay at Juniperview as long as she likes. Leaving is her choice, not mine. We'd be happy to find a new role for her... perhaps as kitchen staff or in the chapel nursery. Nobody can say there is no place for women at Juniperview."
One unnamed Trustee had this to say about the situation, "I support the President 100 percent. He took no action against the Bible Professor. He simply stripped her of the roles and responsibilities she never should have had in the first place."
Professor Logan will leave several sections of her Women's Ministry courses without a professor. The University encourages female students to sign up for these courses anyway.
"We are working on a plan to make sure that Women's Ministry gets the attention it deserves. Dr. Jeff Wildman may take over the class, or another member of the Bible faculty. Dr. Daniel Bigmale, or Dr. Michal Pestosterone, or Dr. Conrad Testes... one of the guys will surely take over the course," said Barsuvius, "Rest assured, women will receive the precise teaching they need to hear on this important topic."
The men on campus had a variety of reactions to the news of Logan's departure, ranging from disinterest to apathy to enthusiastic support.
Women across campus could not be reached for comment because they could not stop weeping.
Despite apparent controversy, one thing is clear: Happi Logan will no longer be serving at Juniperview.
"Professor Logan fell on her own," said Barsuvius, "All I did was shake the tree."
Juniperview University
